Welcome to the Tantric Male blog!
Check back here for the latest news, appointment availability, new purchases, new ideas and just my thoughts on life work and the world. Oh and maybe the odd photo or collection of photo's I like.
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Gear is about what you feel sexy wearing, and if you feel confident and comfortable wearing it then that will show through and you will look incredibly sexy. This Snout baseball cap from Nastypig (available from UK via Clone Zone) is a personal favourite! In fact you will usually see me wearing this rather then the traditional Leatherman Muir Cap. Don’t get me wrong I love the look of the classic Muir cap, but so far haven’t found the right one for me that I think suits and looks right. And personally I find there is something sexy about baseball caps!Comment on this post
I saw a post on twitter that reminded me of my very first sling, and associated sling stand!
At the time I didn’t have anywhere to permanently hang a sling, or at least fix attachment points to that I was confident would be safe and secure! So I looked at doing what lots of people do in that situation and buy a portable sling stand. The problem was … not many places sold them in the UK, and certainly not at a reasonable price!
Back then one of the few places to make a decent frame was Jim Support (and in my view still one of the best). Fort Troff were a distributor and did a good priced package that included the frame, a canvas sling and importantly canvas bag to carry it all in! The bag was quite important …
The plan was to buy the stand whilst on a trip to the USA, as it was significantly cheaper. And a few messages to and from FT helped to work out that the frame in the bag would fit within the checked baggage dimensions and it was just under the weight limit for my flight home! Maybe an unusual item to carry home, but it fit and that was good for me.
So order placed in plenty of time, and a few dildos and extra items added to the order too. Instructions agreed for delivery to hotel, who were notified to be prepared for delivery prior to my arrival. Package was Fedex’d from Fort Troff to the hotel … exciting!
On arrival at the hotel check in was the usual breeze, and the receptionist informed me there was a package waiting.
They went to fetch it.
two minutes later returning to the front desk with a small box about 20cm x 20cm. “That’s not what I was expecting … I think there should be another much larger and heavier box.” A few clicks, a phone call…
“No, that’s it Sir this is all we have for you.”
This wasn’t going well … my rather expensive delivery was lost somewhere in the USA! I contacted Fort Troff who were super helpful and did some checking, yup both parcels delivered. Front desk continued to claim just the one. I was waiting on the proof of delivery to be emailed over while I went out for a coffee and donut … I needed comfort food! Forwarded to the hotel along with the name of the person who signed and an hour later it had been “found”.
I then had a slightly different frustration – the hotel rooms are quite compact and not enough room to try out my new purchase! No way I was going to balance it on the bed … a recipe for disaster!
The frame survived the flight and journey home, and had several years of excellent use before being passed on to a new home to be enjoyed and used!
And if you are ever looking for a sling stand to use on your own home, dungeon, event or hotel room the Jim Support frames are amazing! No tools required, they can take a hell of pounding and heavy use and pack up super small to slide under the bed or in the cupboard.
The canvas sling is great because you can throw it in the washing machine to get all the spunk, lube, piss etc out no problem. But they aren’t super comfortable for longer sessions as they don’t offer much support to the back across the shoulders – a firmer leather sling is best if possible.Comment on this post
After a visit to Benidorm I’ve been talking about writing this post. My intention is to continue the conversation that has taken place over the years on the attitude to the body beautiful in the fetish scene. In everyday life, newspapers, magazines, fashion shows, advertising there has been discussion on body image.
I’m not sure the fetish community, one built on different sexual tastes fully acknowledges the issue. And we as members of that community need to tackle it. Body shaming isn’t done by a community, it is done by individuals and we all need to take responsibility for that.
One of the things I love about fetish is the diverse range of people it attracts. Personally, I love the bigger guys, extra weight and bulk is definitely a good thing for me. If I see someone who I don’t find attractive I don’t mock them, I don’t try and embarrass them, I don’t make jokes about them with my friends. I just move on.
Because we are constantly shown this barrage of “the perfect man” anyone who doesn’t fit that is all too often considered an acceptable butt of the joke.Read the comment on this post
I’ve been looking back at an old blog and a few years ago I wrote a post about the SM Apartments, owned by SteelCollar, in Berlin. I thought it was worth sharing a slightly updated version of this post as some of you kinksters may be interested in it.
I’m very lucky in that I have my own permanent dungeon space, but appreciate that most people don’t have that luxury. And so quite often look at hiring somewhere to play, and over the years there have been some amazing play destinations. The Black Tulip in Amsterdam was quite legendary for example!
Around the UK and London there are some dungeons available for the evening or by the hour. But there is something about taking a break away with your boy /slave / maid to an apartment that has everything you need and a fully equipped dungeon & more right there. Oh and one that happens to be round the corner from some very horny bars!
And the SM Apartments are still, in my view, some of the best dungeon spaces you can get!
Berlin is also home to the Hoist Basement apartments – but these don’t appeal as much for me. And there is a very simple reason – the Hoist ones are almost over styled to be hard sex environments. Yeah a good dirty play space is awesome, but I really also like comfort and style to relax in and have my boy clean my leathers and boots in or just sit at my feet as we relax with a good wine. And the SM Apartments offer both the play space, and relaxation and comfort.
This trip we stayed in The Suite, the largest of the three apartments available. This review is based on a visit from 2012, so some of the decor and features and decor have changed since then, but the principles and ideas are the same!Comment on this post
I am frequently asked by regular subs and slaves “What new gear have you got Sir!?”
Never satisfied … always wanting new ways to be tormented. I have a shopping list of gear I want to get, never seem to make it to the end though, and this is currently at the top of the list – the Fetters Wall Table with Folding Legs! Though I am going to have some adjustments made to it to fit my existing bondage board with all its extra restraint points and hole for slave cocks to hang through attached to the Venus milker! It also makes a nice St Andrews cross / standing flogging support when at an angle on the wall.Comment on this post
I’ve said many times before that BDSM and time in the Dungeon doesn’t have to include pain, it isn’t what it is all about.
But for some it really is … and when you find those true masochistic pain pigs oh the fun to be had! There are many different ways of exploring a subs need and desire for pain, suffering and torture – spanking, flogging, canes, tit clamps, candle wax, electro / eStim are fine examples. The latter particularly so if they want to ensure no marking / bruising on the skin.
But one area of great interest to me is CBT … cock and ball torture, again perfect for inflicting anything from a mild “ouch” to severe agony without any marking. And hearing a subs muffled screams through the gag is pretty much guaranteed to get my cock rock hard!
CBT generally falls into three types of play – crushing / squeezing, stretching and hitting. Some are able to endure a lot more of one form then another, for example stretching can be taken to an extreme level where the sub is suspended by their balls! Clearly not for everyone, but it is definitely possible with experience and practice.
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There is something special about the loss of control and freedom, particularly when that loss is physical and restrictive. But bondage comes in many forms so it is important to explore which appeals to you.
In some ways, the hardest!
No physical restraints, just mind over body. You are given an instruction to follow, a position to stay in and you must hold it for a given time or until told otherwise. Failure can result in punishment! It can be incredibly powerful … particularly in a bar.
You are told you are always to stand 10cm behind your Master, hands behind your back. That’s it – wherever he stands, you must stand immediately behind him. At the bar ordering a drink, chatting to some of his friends, standing in line for a urinal, standing at the urinal you must always be there. He probably won’t talk to you, but he will know of your presence and that is all he needs.
You know you’re a bondage fan if you can think back to being a kid and remember all those police shows for one thing … handcuffs! You wanted nothing more than to feel those steel cuffs get locked into your wrists.
And even now they are amongst my favourite bondage gear, particularly my solid folding speedcuffs. Simple, easy to put on and very effective. There is something about the feel of cold steel against your skin knowing you can’t escape that is quite fun. Or you can go a bit further with some shackles – thick metal cuffs locked on with chain between them, add a pair to your ankles, a metal collar and more chain to link it all up. The perfect prisoner.Comment on this post
One of the great things about a my dungeon is that it has high ceilings … and high ceilings are good for hanging things from. Subs particularly!
Many like the feeling of being ‘vulnerable’ – a real sense of loss of control, Sir could do whatever he wanted. And suspension play provides a very definite loss of control as you feel the ground beneath you stretches out of reach. It is very much the ultimate in helplessness.
I currently have two primary attachment points for suspension play – a manual and electric hoist. They are both excellent at what they do, just operate at different speeds. The electric hoist moves very quickly (and quite loudly … but only while moving), and the manual is an American made worm-gear winch that moves very slowly, quite subtly you could say.
My favoured suspension scene is using the Fetters suspension harness with the manual winch. The harness has thick heaving padding on the leg straps and hip area. Made of very thick strong leather this harness is very adjustable so can be adjusted to fit just about every body.
But the fun only starts when your strapped into the harness. With the slow hand winch each turn of the handle is a very small movement – I get to decide if your feet are on the floor, you are on the tip of your toes, just able to touch the floor if you really stretch your foot out … or flying no chance of escaping!
But then of course I don’t want your hands getting in my way, so some padded four buckle hand restraints soon sort that! Hands kept out of the way behind your back or maybe clipped up to the suspension bar. Then your feel pulled back and up – definitely nothing you could do now.
And then the fun can really start … all depending on what you like to experience. Maybe just a hood / blindfold and some gentle cock teasing … a vibrator on the tip of your hard dripping cock?
Or some eStim fun, how about some cock and ball torture? Whatever you like to experience suspension really intensifies the experience.Comment on this post
For a long time now I’ve felt in a minority … a proud active Leatherman. But one for who the majority of the gay fetish “scene” in the UK hasn’t held much interest. I’ve always enjoyed my trips to Leather events and bars in the USA – CLAW (Cleveland Leather Annual Weekend) is a favourite event, and The Eagle in San Francisco a favourite bar.
And one of the reasons I have always enjoyed them is they have a real sense of community, of support, of brotherhood.
Something that until recently I can’t really say I have found at most events in the UK. I recently had my first visit to The Backstreet in London, what I can now see has been the UK’s only Leather bar for a long time. But that is going to form another blog post in the coming weeks.
This past weekend was the Annual General Meeting of Manchester Leathermen (MLM). The group was founded in 2012 and in 2015 merged with the Manchester Superchain, and last year I was excited to join as a member and attend my first MLM events.
Unfortunately, I have found it hard to get to as many of the regular events they host as I would like. The additional cost of a hotel (living two hours away) and free weekends lining up with events seem limited.
Even though I can’t get to many events I follow the activities of the group through their Twitter and Newsletters etc. Throughout all of this there comes a real sense of community, a group of people who support each other, who want to build something more than just another bar night.
One of the members of MLM who has helped spread the word of the group across the country and Europe is Joe King. He won Mr Leather UK 2016 and then Mr Leather Europe 2016. As a holder of both titles he has worked for the benefit of the community.
And now he is hoping to make it to International Mr Leather this May in Chicago. But attending such an event takes time and money, quite a lot of money!
One of the aspects of community I have admired from the American Leather scene is its willingness to support each other in representing their own bars, cities and organisations.
IML is an amazing event to attend, and for many it involves one thing – sex and lots of it! For others it’s cocktails, and lots of them, for others it’s about social time, shopping and discovering new friends.
For those who are attending to compete it is a very different weekend! They must attend all the formal events, rehearsals, meetings, meet and greets, interviews with judges, photo calls, press calls, networking and promotional events.
It’s busy, it’s hard work, it’s incredibly full on! In fact, most contestants usually have at least one person with them acting as their Personal Assistant. Ensuring they attend everything, are in the right place at the right time, have everything they need, their kit is ready, they eat, they sleep and hopefully get to enjoy what is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The only time a British Leatherman has won the title of International Mr Leather was when John Pendal won in 2003. So I think its’s about time we changed that! And we also showed the rest of the kinky leathery world that the UK is working hard to build an amazing community. And quite frankly American’s love the Royal Family …
So please join me in helping Send The King to IML and make a donation to his travel fund and to put the UK on the map again at the worlds biggest gay fetish event!Read the comment on this post
I was recently asked if I could recommend some arse play / prostate stimulators. And in the words of the Sally …. yes, yes, yees, yes, YESSSS! And so here are my recommendations for really getting your ass excited and your cock ready for some mind blowing orgasms!
These are presented in price order, getting more expensive as they go on, but all offer something of a buzz! And don’t forget the lube…
Rocks Off Raspberry (19.99)
Not sold directly as a “prostate stimulator / massager” this little bundle of joy deserves its place here. Small, perfectly formed and with their own RO-80mm Bullet Vibrator this definitely packs a punch! The vibrator can be removed easily for super easy clean up.
If you want to feel a little something inside your hole that is a bit more exciting then just a butt plug this is a good place to start. But if you are experienced in some anal play, maybe skip down a few places.
Rocks Off Rock Quest (£24.99)
Now we get serious … the perfect place for prostate beginners to start. This affordable bundle of joy is small, discrete and perfectly sized. The silicone ring on the outside is comforting to know about … particularly if you get a bit greedy and start to suck it up as you ride it!
The Quest has 10 speed sensations / speed settings that you can go through using the button the base to find the one that really works for you. And this has a really nice bonus … 100% waterproof! This will really help make bathtime one to remember!!
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